More objects of desire…
I really can’t explain this one. Jacques Villaneuve. French-Canadian Formula One driver. Not my normal type at all – too short, too stocky, and yet somehow totally shaggable in a geeky-cute kind of way.
Eh, maybe it’s just that I appreciate his fine taste in music and books.

Well, it's sort of female desire related...
So I had the oddest dream. I was back on Scotland (that’s part of what I mean by odd – normally I stay as far from my homeland as possible) and living with my family (WTF?). Except they weren’t exactly my family – my mother was still alive, and an old high school friend of mine had mysteriously become my brother. In the dream this seemed normal. Then another old high school friend came to visit, except in my dream she was a man. And about a foot taller than she is in real life. It was very strange – her/his face was almost exactly the same, and her/his voice was a little feminine sounding, but she/he was definitely a man. I know this because in the dream we had sex. Pretty good sex, actually. And that seemed perfectly normal, even though I was never attracted to her as a girl. We weren’t dating or anything in the dream, we just had sex and then hugged each other goodbye and then she/he went home.
Oh, and the guy who had somehow become my brother? He and the girl who became a man actually dated in college. But in the dream that never happened, they were back to the semi-hostile relationship they had in high school.
OK, so…what the hell was that about? I can’t make any sense of it at all.The weird thing is that I had friends in high school who I was attracted to and never hooked up with for one reason or another. Why wasn’t one of them the star of the dream?
Very weird.

Tattoo follow up post part 2…after all, it is still lust week.

Since Trin REALLY liked the pic of Miyavi I posted with my little celebration of ink, I decided to post the rest of the pics from the same photo session. These are both from the cover of the Miyavism CD. I threw in a couple of random pics where you can see his lip ring too, cause I’m a generous kind of girl (with insomnia, who likes looking at sexy punk boys). And some where he’s doing something questionable with a cute little dolly, and one of him rolling around in a puddle looking sexy, and a couple just because I love blue hair…not everyone can get away with blue hair.

The other pics from the Miyavism cover…I love his hair in these. I love pretty much everything about these pics, actually.

Also, from a non-lusting point of view…whoever took these photos really knows her/his shit. In terms of composition, lighting etc these are just about perfect.

A better view of the tattoos on his collarbones and chest.

This pic has nothing to do with the CD cover, I just dig the facial expression. Shame about the outfit…

What is he doing with that doll? Do we really want to know?

Heh, punk doll with a Mohawk. I want one. Damn, I’m such a kid sometimes.

So sexy…

With blue hair.

Beautiful.

Tattoo post follow up part 1

Hey Zan! Want a face to go with those wings?

Digging the fake fur coat…and the barbed wire necklace.

I LOVE this one

Now normally I’m not the kind of woman who gets excited about rings, but if it was presented like this…

On stage, looking sexy.

Disgustingly pretty

Loving the tank top and the cross…in bright sunlight, from the movie where he played a vampire. Wanna hear something really depressing? When this pic was taken, he was 34.

More random prettiness, and that necklace again

And there are those wings again…


And who could resist a bit of cross-dressing? Hyde’s schoolgirl outfit.

MySpace is weird...
So I still haven't really figured out how to use it, exactly. I've only been signed up for a couple of weeks, and I'm lazy.
Anyway, I logged in today and found a friends request from the My Life With The Thrill Kill Kult's official MySpace. I hadn't tried to contact them in any way, or even looked at their page, I think I may have had them listed as what I was listening to on one post or something, or they may be on my profile under "stuff I like". And yet there was a little request sitting in my inbox.
I just think that's kind of funny. Used to be that bands expected fans to approach them like supplicants at a temple. Maybe social networking sites are changing the dynamics?

Things Cassandra loves to gaze upon…tattoos
It occurs to me that I haven’t mentioned my love of tattoos and piercings during desire week. That’s a terribly omission which must be remedied. I LOVE tattoos. I love piercings, too, although not when the person has so much metal in their face that they look like Pinhead from Hellraiser.
So, tattoos. Want to see some that I really love?

First up, Hyde’s wings. I love this tattoo. It looks really cool when he lifts his arms, but I couldn’t find a still of that. Kinky guy with angel wings…what’s not to love?




And then my favorite tattooed and pierced punk boy…anyone here familiar with Buddhism? That’s the Heart Sutra. The ENTIRE Heart Sutra. It’s kind of like the Desiderata for Buddhists. Beautiful sutra, beautiful tattoo. I actually really like word/numeral tattoos, wish more people got them.



Same guy, front and side views. This guy’s covered in tattoos. And for that we love him. I REALLY love the ones on his collarbones and his arms.


And of course this is my personal favorite. But then you could probably guess that. If it's too small to read, it says "Don't hesitate and go".


Also check out the corkscrew piercing through his lip. He has 17 piercings. One of them’s a Prince Albert. This kid’s really far cooler than anyone should be at his tender age, and is much loved by Cassandra.

Kaoru’s Japanese Zombie Heroes tattoo, on the right forearm. I’ve always loved that tattoo.

Hand tattoos, and the new full sleeve on his right arm (which goes all the way up the arm and across part of his chest, but I couldn’t find a good pic of that part). I wish I had the guts, and the pain tolerance, necessary to get a tattoo on my hands, but alas I am a wimp. These are gorgeous up close.

Watch Cassandra go on a rampage…
So I’ve been meaning to write about BSDM, and then I’m hanging out on Trin’s page and what do I see but exhibit A of why most people have no idea what the whole thing’s all about. This is particularly vexing as the idiot in question seems to think that he’s a dom. Take a look at this…

“One of the after-the-fact scariest experiences of my life, however, and one that informs my sexual behavior now (I no longer have sex when very drunk and am a bit skittish about consent... I've actually had complaints about being too careful and un-spontaneous) was when I apparently very nearly raped a long-term girlfriend of mine by accident.Yes, that's right. Raped. By accident. I can hear the moans and hisses now.I was very drunk. One of her favorite things was for me to restrain her wrists with my hands, and also to have her neck bitten medium-hard.Apparently she was repeating "No" over and over, but in a moan that sounded (to me, drunk) like "Oh!" We worked out later that *yes* she was aroused and her voice conveyed that, but distress was also in her voice... A distress that before then had always been a part of our play.It wasn't until I started to unbutton (and had pulled myself off of her to do so) that I noticed the tears.”

There are so many problems with this I hardly know where to start…
OK, first of all, it is unwise to do BSDM drunk or otherwise chemically altered. Anything that slows down your perceptions mixed with the ability to seriously injure someone? Not a good idea.
Next – Yes, indeed, my stupid little friend, you will hear moans and hisses. And you deserve them.
Let’s revisit the conversation about “subtle clues” that someone is not happy during sex, shall we? Crying is not a subtle clue. It’s a very obvious one. Now granted this guy stopped once he actually saw tears, but…
This is the point I was making about being able to read other people’s body language.
When my SO and I are having sex, I can tell if he’s a little uncomfortable. I can tell if he’s tired. I can tell if his shoulder injury from a biking accident ten years ago is bothering him a little and we need to change position.
How can I tell these things? Because I’m paying attention.
Now, some might argue that I can tell these things because we’ve been together a long time, but I beg to differ. I was able to read him like that from the moment we met. He was able to read me the same way. That, friends, is compatibility. If you don’t have it, you probably shouldn’t be having sex. The ability to read each other’s non-verbal cues is VITAL to good sex.
There’s more to it than that, though. We can read each other because we CARE how each other feels. In other words, we pay attention. That little shifting thing he does sometimes? It means his shoulder hurts. I know this because the first time he did it I noticed, and I asked. When I’m on top and I kind of favor one side, or slow down? That means that the knee I injured playing hockey in high school is twinging, and I need to change position. When this happens I do not have to say “hey, my knee hurts”, because Mr Cassandra quickly observes that I am uncomfortable and is able to figure out why. How? Because the first time I reacted that way, he noticed and asked what was wrong. And here’s the nifty thing – when he first noticed he STOPPED what he was doing to ask.
This is how sex is supposed to work, people. You pay attention to your partner. You make the effort to read their non-verbal cues. If something doesn’t seem quite right, you stop and find out what’s going on. This is not rocket science. It’s sexual communication 101. Hell, it’s interpersonal communication 101. Anyone who doesn’t have a grip on this stuff isn’t ready for sex, because if they can’t or don’t care to read basic cues then the chance that they’re going to hurt someone is pretty high.
Now to the scenario above. How in the hell do you fail to notice that someone you’re lying on top of is CRYING? When people cry their whole body shows it – their breathing, the tension level in their torso, everything. If you don’t notice, guess what? You’re not paying attention. And in a sexual situation that level of inattention is dangerous.
Seriously people, is it really too much to ask that people notice if their partner is CRYING?

Now to the BSDM part. Being a dom is challenging. You know the sexual communication I mentioned above, the need to read other people’s body language? Think of what’s required for normal sex. Then multiply it by a hundred. You’re still not even close to the level of empathy and awareness you need to be a good dom.
A dom needs to be incredibly well tuned in to how their sub is doing. They need to be paying REALLY close attention to every little change in body language. If you engage in BSDM you’re taking the normal script and tearing it to pieces, you’re heading into territory where words don’t mean what they normally mean and extra caution is required. Done right it’s a mind-blowing experience for everyone involved. Done wrong? It can scar you for life.
Anyone who wants to be a dom needs to have shitloads of empathy. That empathy needs to go right to the marrow of your bones. If you don’t have that? Well, you have no business being a dom. Sooner or later, you’re going to misread a situation, and you’re going to hurt someone. It’s like putting someone who just got their licence at the wheel of a Formula 1 car. Very stupid, and very dangerous.
So…if you are someone whose sexual communication skills are so piss-poor that you can’t even tell when your partner is CRYING, BSDM is not for you, ESPECIALLY as a dom. Get the hell out of the kitchen until you learn how to cook before you do something stupid and burn the entire house down.

And for the record, the guy I quoted above? That’s not a dom. No real dom would ever “accidentally nearly rape” someone, because a REAL dom is completely in control of the situation at all times. And this part…” We worked out later that *yes* she was aroused and her voice conveyed that, but distress was also in her voice... A distress that before then had always been a part of our play.”
A real dom can tell the difference between the excitement that comes from having your limits pushed and genuine panic. If you can’t tell? You’re just not meant to be a dom. You lack the basic tools.
You just failed BSDM 101, asshole. Learn how to manage basic sex before trying again, because BSDM is for experts only.

Since Trinity indicated a preference for pink hair…
So Trin sent me a link to some lovely pics. I’m not sure if I’m allowed to re-post it here, but since she mentioned that pink hair is always a good thing…it so happens that I agree. My hair’s been several shades in the red/pink to purple continuum, actually, and I retain somewhat of a fetish for people with hair colors not found in nature. Anyway, here’s my personal favourite pink haired boy, although alas his hair is now back to its natural color…I miss the pink and purple hair. Mild bonus kinkiness included! Trin I think will appreciate the one where he’s wearing a leather collar and looking notably submissive. I especially love the outfit that gives him spiky silver boobs, the homoerotic pics with my beloved Toshiya, and the one where he has a drumstick in his mouth.
More serious stuff below, BTW.

And now the real celebration begins…

The topic of rape has come up again a few times recently. Whenever this subject is raised there are always a few men who jump in with the following argument.

“But men just don’t understand you strange, complicated creatures! We’re stupid, and you must realize this. We can’t read body language. How are we supposed to know if a woman is consenting or not?”
Um, ask her? Is that really so difficult? Seriously, if there’s any confusion in your mind, if you’re not sure…just stop and ask!

Onto the next stupid argument….
“We can’t read body language”
I call bullshit. Let me repeat something I posted over at Ren’s place.

About body language...well, that depends on what kind of body language we're talking about. If a woman is actively trying to push the man away? Has her hands on his chest or torso pushing? Refuses to open her legs? That's some pretty clear body language. I don't think any man is really dumb enough to be unable to read that. Those who are applying "he didn't get it" arguments to that scenario...sorry, not buying it. Unless it's a specifically BSDM-themed encounter then those things unambiguously mean "stop, right now". If a women freezes up and turns away...again, I don't really think that's hard to read. A complete lack of enthusiasm on the other person's part is kind of hard to miss. Basically this is where I have a problem with teaching people "consent" as the benchmark. It positions the woman as passive, and normalizes that situation. It creates an expectation that any woman who isn't actively screaming and trying to run away is willing to have sex. That is not in fact the case. I think that the model we SHOULD be teaching young men hinges on ENTHUSIASTIC PARTICIPATION. The woman doesn't seem into it, isn't participating, is just lying there? Stop and find out if she's OK. Are you a rapist if you don't? The law would say no, but for me, I would want to know more but regardless of whether or not I called it rape in the end I would call the man a creepy bastard who I would not want to have sex with.Seriously...why would you even want to fuck someone who's lying there like a corpse, who doesn't seem into it? How uninterested in women's pleasure do you have to be to think that's an OK way for sex to look? To me that kind of looks like necrophilia, to be honest. Bottom line for me - if either partner seems withdrawn and not into things, the other should stop and check in, find out what's going on. If you have even the slightest hunch that something's not right, you have a moral responsibility to stop and check. If you choose not to do that? That's a choice. Pretending that you can't read body language because you're a man doesn't cut it. You're choosing not to care whether the other person is having a good time or not. Does that make you a rapist? In some cases yes, in others no. What it absolutely makes you is a selfish asshole.

Is that simple enough? Pretty unambiguous, right?

I’m not kidding about the “enthusiastic participation” thing. Why the hell does ANYONE want to fuck someone who isn’t enthusiastic? What’s wrong with you people? Are you all into necrophilia or something? Jeez, and I thought I was kinky…

I’ve always disliked the label sex positive. I associate it with a sort of goofy earnestness that sets my teeth on edge – I’m a POMO baby. I don’t do earnest (nods to Piny!). Think Annie Sprinkle and her mirror. Not for me. However…

The idea of consent, defined as the absence of struggle, as the benchmark for when sex should proceed? That’s about as sex-negative an idea as I can think of. It’s…dead. Profoundly depressing. Almost guaranteed to result in boring, unsatisfying sex. There will be no swinging from the chandeliers in that scenario, no ground-shaking orgasms, no moments where it all feels so good you’re barely aware of where the other person’s body ends and yours begins. No passion, no excitement. Nothing.

Why the hell did we EVER accept that as the benchmark? Do we really think that we can’t do any better? Is that really what we want to teach young men and women? Is that the expectation of how sex is supposed to feel that we want to set up for them?

I say no. We can do better. I say if there’s no raw passion, if nobody is screaming and out of their mind by the end, if both parties aren’t so horny they’re desperate for each other, they may as well not bother. People have hands, after all – if you’re going to fuck someone who’s not into it you may as well be masturbating. In fact you ARE masturbating, just with the aid of a living, breathing, but utterly non-participating toy/corpse.

Anyone here want to be a toy/corpse? I didn’t think so.

And guys? If that’s what you want…just jerk off. It’s about the same thing, and at least that way there’s less risk of someone else getting hurt. And of your ass getting thrown in jail.

Enthusiastic participation, people. Let’s shift the paradigm. It’s long past time.

See, I do like muscular men sometimes…well, there’s one.
And the next entry in the category of men upon whom Cassandra likes to gaze is…Pavel Bure. Russian ice hockey player. Very good hockey player, by the way. They called him the Russian Rocket for a reason. Fast, agile, great hands…have I mentioned how much I appreciate men with great hands? Chubbier in the face than I normally go for too. Now as I’ve mentioned normally I’m not so fond of muscular guys, and I loathe professional athletes, but this guy…so sexy. I’ve seen him in real life and he’s actually rather un-photogenic, as hard as that is to believe. How can you not love a man this pretty with abs you could bounce quarters off of? Not to mention the sheer agility…I can think of plenty of ways to put that kind of agility to good use.