Friday, August 31, 2007

Time waits for no-one

So it’s my birthday in…a couple of hours. And that’s a weird feeling. I’m turning 34. I don’t feel like I’m turning 34. I don’t feel like I’m even close, honestly. It’s like…aren’t people this age supposed to be a little more, I don’t know, sorted? As in, pick a career track and stick to it, be so settled in a relationship that even the though of being with someone else would be inconceivable (I’m settled, but not THAT settled), feeling generally like things are winding down? I don’t feel like things are winding down. I feel like I’m due for another big dramatic change, actually.
Physically I don’t feel old at all. I mean, I can see lines where there used to be none, and the body is not as firm as it used to be, but in general…I actually feel healthier overall than I did ten years ago. It doesn’t feel like things are breaking down – my back doesn’t hurt, I have less headaches than I used to, if anything I have more stamina now. I do seem to need a little more sleep, though. All the things I really like are the same things I really liked when I was 25, or even 17. I’m calmer, there’s a sort of serenity there that wasn’t there even 5 years ago, but other than that…nothing much seems to have changed.
Eh, it’s weird. Anyone else have any idea what I’m talking about? It’s as if I have this idea in my head of what 34 looks and feels like and that’s not how I look or feel, and it’s wierding me out.


Veronica said...

Happy Birthday, a few hours early.

Virgos unite! Heh.

Arwen said...

Did your parents have you by the time they were 34? Kids can be what makes 34 feel old. 34 is young. My parents were still on their ... okay, second marriages. *g*
Happy Birthday!

Victoria said...

Happy Birthday!

And re: age, I'll be 37 this year but suffer from arrested development syndrome at so many different points along the life trajectory that half the time when asked my age, I actually give the wrong answer, or I have to really think hard about it first. It's weird.

Speaking of youth... taking my 13 year old to her first metal show tomorrow. I'm authorizing gothy quantities of eyeliner, but I'll probably be annoyingly hovering over her like the protective mama bear I am. She alternately thinks I'm somewhat cool and very uncool... tomorrow night I expect her to be in full snark mode. And/or horrified by the general debauchery that is likely to be evidence at said scene, and peppering me with nosy questions about how mom parties when she's not there. (Insert distressed facial expression here...)

Anyway, hope your birthday was grand (I'm a bit late reading your post). Take care!

Myca said...

Happy Birthday, Cassandra!

I'm right there with you on the experience of age, by the way. I'm 32, and man oh man is it ever weird realizing that I'm 4 years older than my dad was when I was born, and on some level I still feel like a kid.

Not entirely, you know, but . . . there's a tiny part of me that's expecting a group of men in uniforms to walk up any minute, take me by the arms and announce "awwwright, then! Who do you think you're fooling, pretending you're a grownup?"

Of course, then, when I talk to my friend in their early 20's, I start to realize that, "Wow, maybe I have learned some stuff. Weird!"

Sassywho said...

happy birthday lady.

i'm turning 30 this year, which is fine since I already freaked out about 29. Same thing happened when I turned 24 and likely 34. I'm ambitious with my neurosis.

SallySunshine said...

Happy Birthday dear!

Astrologically speaking, there's a lot of Virgo in the sky right now. Saturn just entered Virgo for the first time in 27 years a few days ago! Yea Virgos!

You're headed for a big, is it internal/externally or a little bit of both?

Restless..I'm feeling it too, I must get out of this city, and soon. ////// In any case, happy birthday! Cheers! ~SS

Octogalore said...

I'm almost five years older but still feel like I am not an adult yet -- I'm sometimes surprised when I can tell people what to do and they listen.

As far as what 34 (or 39, my next B-day this fall) looks like, yeah, it's hard to reconcile ones 16-year-old notion of that being past it with the fact that one now feels very vibrant.

As far as picking a job/spouse, it's better to wait until you feel it's the right time. I was your age when I got married. I know many 40-somethings who are back on the dating circuit and on the job circuit.

I think if women who are mid-30s and not ready to have biological kids but want them someday were to freeze eggs, we could get to a situation in which the biological clock issue operates close to equally on women and men. This may be a personal issue b/c of my own struggles (2 miscarriages). But I think it's an issue that creates stress in mid-30s women where it may not have to.

That said, this may be completely irrelevant here so feel free to disregard!

Daisy said...

Happy birthday!

I will be 50 in 10 days, but until then, I'm officially still in my 40s.

Yes, Virgos rule! :)

Anonymous said...

Having kids can make you feel old. OTOH, I'm 47 and feeling just a bit younger now that my kids are all launched.

I wonder where you will be when you're 47. I hope it's someplace fun.

Cassandra Chaos™ said...

I just have to say...
happy birthday.

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