Saturday, October 23, 2010

Argh! Why is it that OK Cupid guys cannot follow simple directions?

Sample message.

"How locked in are you to the age group thingy?"

From a dude who looks to be about 20 years older than me. OK, folks, look - some people are willing to date way outside their age range, and that's fine. But not everyone is, and that's not an unreasonable position to take. It's not a "thingy", preferring to date people around your own age. And I can't help but wonder how this guy would respond to a woman who's as substantially older than him as he is older than me sending him "how locked in are you to the age group thingy" messages. Because I can't help but notice that it's always men just blithely assuming that women young enough to be their daughters should be willing to date them.

So, in case anyone from there follows this link, just to make it clear...I am not interested in dating anyone more than 10 years older or younger than me. Friends that much older or younger, or even more so, are fine. But not romantic/sexual relationships. In fact, within 5 years would be ideal, so at this point that would mean people aged 32 to 42. People aged 27 to 47 might be acceptable if we get along really well. People under 25 or over 50? Nope, no way, not under any circumstances, because I don't want to feel like I'm dating either my child or one of my parents. And if I was a man no one would ever expect me to be open to dating people old enough to be one of my parents (though they'd probably pat me on the back for dating someone young enough to be my kid).

Seriously, guys, introducing yourself in a way that makes it clear that you're not going to respect even the most basic of the other person's boundaries, with a side order of "oh those silly boundaries of yours!", is not a good way to get a date. At that point, not only do I not want to date you, I don't want to be friends with you either.


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FoolishOwl said...

My partner told me that the biggest problem she had with OKCupid was that men who had a high match percentage would turn out to have nothing in common with her -- because they'd answered questions based upon what they thought would appeal to women, not upon what they actually felt or believed.

twenty six letters said...

"There should really be a special by-law that says women are allowed to kick anyone wearing a rape-is-funny tshirt in the balls. We could maybe sell it as pre-emptive self-defence?

The most offensive tee I ever saw IRL was one with IT’S NOT GOING TO SUCK ITSELF and an arrow pointing down. Looking the dude up and down, smirking, and going “with your striking good looks and charming personality it’s going to have to, isn’t it?” was one of my proudest moments."

This was a comment on the Schrodinger's rape post, but I just had to come find your blog and a (vaguely) related post to say that this comment made my day. Fantastic. I'm fortunate enough never to have come across a guy wearing that shirt, but I shall know what to say if I do. *applause*

Justin Sampson said...
This comment has been removed by the author.