Monday, November 22, 2010

So, I'm doing a really cool feature for Gothic Beauty...

Which will focus on the connection between goth and visual kei, and one particular individual's influence over the development of fashion in both scenes in Japan. Pretty cool, huh? But then I started doing some research and looking at lots of pictures and, well...

See, here's the thing. VK generations 1 (X Japan) and 1.5 (Luna Sea, Penicillin) were, other than the crazy cat lady hair, really pretty cool looking. One of the reasons for this was that the major style icons of the period were, well, honestly, really fucking hot. So when they wore crazy outrageous outfits it worked (most of the time), because they had the bodies to pull it off (OK, granted that there was no excuse for Yoshiki's wedding dress - no one could have made that look good). But then you got to generation 2, and while there were still some guys who could pull off the outfits (Gackt, Toshiya from Dir en grey), they were getting a bit thinner on the ground, and there were a few tragic cases of "wow, that outfit really isn't working for you". And then you get to generation 3, and...holy shit, what happened? Not only have the clothes gone to hell, so have the people. I mean really, I looked for guys who still looked cool, I really did. And I came up with...well, Uruha from Gazette is pretty hot, but what the hell is going on with his outfits? And Miyavi is gorgeous, and made a fabulous goth boy, but he seems to have outgrown VK for the most part. So that leaves...well, I guess Uruha will just have to carry the torch for "VK dudes who can wear hot pants without looking like complete idiots". But do they really need to be purple and shiny? And why are they so damn baggy?

Fashion critic is displeased by this evolution. Or devolution. Anyway, a visual illustration.

Generation 1.5 - Luna Sea. Observe how awesome he looks. Treasure this memory, kids, because it's all downhill from here.

Generation 2 - Dir en grey . OK so, on the plus side, great bone structure, and he at least looks like an adult man, albeit one who could use a few cheeseburgers. But the boots? Seriously, wtf is going on with the boots? And again - food, it is your friend. This seems to have been about when VK fans decided that anyone who appears to eat more than once a month is too fat.
Generation 3. Alice Nine. Oh dear God why? The eyes, they bleed. Also note the distinctly fetal features on most of these boys. And I do mean boys. Seriously, has the one with the red hair even hit puberty yet? Seeing anyone who looks that young in hot pants makes me feel like a pedo. Do not want.
Also these guys are a perfect illustration of the concept of why you need to try clothes on to make sure they fit. Not a single garment in this picture fits. Not one. Scroll back up to the first guy - see how much better he looks? OK, so he's just more genetically blessed than these kids, but also, his clothes fit. This is important. There is nothing sexy about baggy shorts, not even if they are made out of leather.

The one lone hope...Uruha, The Gazette. Though the rest of his band could use some work, especially the dude with the hankie over his nose. Anyway...seriously, kiddo, you're like Obi Wan for the VK scene - you are our only hope. There is literally no one else with the body to carry off the clothes in this generation, and that's just sad. Please don't let them starve this one into emaciation too.
Also, remember what I said earlier about clothes needing to fit? This guy's do (other than the baggy purple shorts), and observe the difference. It's like magic!


Thieving Magpie said...

I agree!!
// looking for another hope too!!

Anonymous said...

go get yourself a life instead of judging musicians in their early stages.. Diru as well as A9 was in the beginning of their career.. just search for old pictures of Uruha and you'll be shocked, too.... it's bitchy of you judging about guys just starting to try different styles

Kold_Kadavr_flatliner, sub/dude said...

Nevertheless, be prepared, though. The Warning from God to U.S. will come upon thee without warning. It doesn't matter if you're a heathen, Pagan, transvestite, gay, homophobe, Muslim, or myself. God expects U.S. to repent and believe more strongly... OR be cast into the Lake of Fire. I'm only a prophet. Don't be mad at ME!!! Your choice, my friend. Your demise. I'd strongly urge U.S. to repent when the Warning comes, yet, that's totally up to one person. You. God bless you with discernment.

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